HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM MARTIN
To celebrate the axe welding maniac who put the 'metal' into the first four FNM albums here a few of the more wilder articles published.
Kerrang | 1992 | Steffan Chirazi
He's justly proud of his reputation as one of the most repulsive characters in Metal today. His drinking is legendary, his debauchery knows no bounds. His name is frequently prefaced by 'Big Sick Ugly'. No, dummies - we ain't talking about STEFFAN CHIRAZI! We're talking about the man who spills the beans here about his daily routine...
A DAY IN THE LIFE OF JIM MARTIN
JAMES BLANCO Martin, 30, is the lead guitarist for Faith No More.
He has played guitar since his teenage years with a variety of bands, such as Pigs Of Death, E-Z Street, Recluse, and the (almost) world-famous Vicious Hatred. He is also well-known in Hayward, California as a connoisseur of fine ales and a mean hand at the pool table. A keen viewer of quality over-the-counter pornography, he is also a marksman of note, taking target practise whenever his schedule permits.
Amongst his other talents are playing the hurdy-gurdy, a keen interest in bagpipes and the ability to express extreme social belligerence without offending anybody. Martin isn't married and lives in a two-room area of the Hayward house that he grew up in.
"USUALLY I'LL just lie in until everybody leaves the house about 2.30pm," says Jim, "which is a comfortable time for rolling out of bed. Within 45 seconds of waking up I light up a cigar or a cigarette. Right now it's different, because I have to be in the studio at 1am so I have to start early in the morning to make use of available time. But this is about how I normally like to spend a day at home, right? By the time I get up I'll have a bursting full bladder but I'll go to the kitchen and put my water in the microwave first so I can get my tea going before I have a piss. I'm a real tea man. I like Liptons Standard tea best of all, but Lil (Jim's mother)
ends to get the cheapest shit she can find so currently we have Rose tea. While I drink that I pull out the old toaster; a favourite of mine is waffles.
I'll pop one of those in, and when it's done I'll put peanut butter and jam on it and munch. Then I'll have another cup of tea and more waffles before hurrying down to the toilet again to spray an alcoholic shit into the bowl (courtesy of last night's drinking). Whenever I'm on the toilet I have to have something to read. Never the mail, never the paper, generally a book or a magazine. See this (a camping supplies magazine)? I've read this about 20 times but I do try for fresh reading materials. I've managed to read quite a few books over the years whilst on the throne, including the 'The Official Bartender's Guide'.
AFTER THAT I'll look at myself in the mirror and decide whether need a shower. I pretty much always need a shower but I tend to put it off - like now, haven't showered in about a week! Can't seem to find the time. Then I'll laze on the bed and read some more, maybe f**k around with the of hurdy gurdy or banjo. I play the mandolin a lot - and maybe I'll even pick up a guitar. By this time it's about 5pm and I realise that I need something substantial to eat even though I've already had a few snacks. Usually I go out to eat, so I'll put on the same filthy, greasy clothes I've had on for a few days. The trousers I have on now... I was thinking about washing them but I never got around to it. And most of the trousers i have now are too small for me, so these stay on for comfort, I dress, leave the house in my large brown truck and drive down to a bar where a girl I went to school with bartends. It's called 'Cheers' in Hayward. I don't like the proprietor - she's a crabby old battle-axe! Having had the first drink of the day, it stretches to two or three, I'll get something to eat, maybe ribs at Emil Villas, or Chinese; recently it's been
Mexican at Los Compadres. I usually run into someone I know, and go off to drink beers and shoot pool.
IN A nut-shell, what I do all day is hide from everybody. That way I don't have to answer any questions or do anything, I end up going home after a few drinks, and work on my computer some or look at the mail or watch videos. I love watching cheap, shitty TV movies, drinking beer and eating food. Eating food pretty much keeps me awake, and I've often wondered why I'm not a fat bastard - even though I'm getting there! I put it down to taking lots of craps. Usually I'll watch movies until 6am, by which time I hit the sack so I can start all over the next day. I never, ever spend time thinking about anything much. If you start reflecting on your troubles and strives you start thinking your life's measly and alienate your friends. That's a standard day, but
there are others where I might only leave the house to get a pack of cigarettes. Maybe I'll go out on my motorcycle or in my truck; quite often I'll get a wild hair up my ass and just keep on going and going for two or three days on by myself, to the mountains or the desert (recently Death Valley and Reno). I do that for no reason at all, and that's the great part. I don't have to have a reason.
AND A typical tour day? In London, for example, if there are no interviews I'll get up about 11am for my full English breakfast, immediately after which I go back up to my room to read a book and take a large crap. Then I'll go find the nearest bar. The beer of my choice? Bitter. I know people talk about stronger beers, but a couple of those and you're all washed up for the evening. I don't just drink to get drunk, I sincerely enjoy the soothing, cool fluids running down my throat and bathing the membranes. So I'll have a few beers, maybe have some pub food, shamble around and go to the gig. After the gig I'll retire with some friends, usually to the Columbia Hotel whether we're staying there or not. It's a very happy hotel where everybody just lets you drink until you're through, i don't like to try to keep the same schedule wherever I am in the world!"
HM | 1990 | Steffan Chirazi
THE SECRET LIFE OF JIM MARTIN
Have you ever wondered what the real Jim Martin, lead guitarist with the hugely popular Faith No More is like in his personal life? Well, quite frankly we did, so our San Francisco connection Steffan Chirazi went around to big Jim's gaff to get answers to more than a few probing questions. Here are the shocking results...
In this business there are many people who try to create characters, legends and immortal tales of gleeful debauchery and lunacy. By and large, these attempts to create such a character are pathetic; no-one ever falls for it and no one ever finds the fictional wild guy funny. The reason there is still a persistence with creating such 'characters' and 'tales' for your enjoyment (read disdain) is because, quite honestly, there are few out there who warrant the title.
Thankfully you'll bump into one about every three years, and I am therefore proud to present to you a man that you couldn't invent if you tried. Faith No More's Jim Martin.
Now given that (even though we shouldn't) most of us judge books by their covers, you probably have certain assumptions regarding Jim Martin. That he drinks too much, maybe puffs a little too hard, shoots small creatures and large targets, enjoys naked women and pornography, drives a large truck, goes to cabins and holds up for a few days at a time and is curious about Satan. Well, seeing as most of you probably believe that to be the case, I'm here to tell you yes to all of the above. You are correct. But other things you may not know about Jim Martin, are that he has a love of banjos and mandolins, went to college in Hayward and studied classical guitar, is an avid admirer of certain soundtracks (such as Dune, The Shining and A Clockwork Orange) has been faithful to the same girlfriend for 8 years (she hangs on his wall, never leaves his room and always looks good for him, especially since he took the staples out of
her stomach!) and is currently writing a book on his new Epson lap-top computer, a constant tour companion. You may also think of Martin as the sort of man with a huge mouth primed to scream abuse and obscenities in appropriate situations, and once again I would be lying if I said that you were wrong, But there is also a side of Jim that enjoys peace, quiet and some solitude away from everything and everyone; often he's actually very quiet with nothing too much to say to anyone. These are his most dangerous moments, times when Jim Martin could suddenly decide it's time to go and set off on a huge tirade of vocal or physical damage.
Reprobate's Corner is usually simple Q & A stuff, but with Jim Martin, such normalcy is impossible. Best to just put the questions down as they were asked, log the answers, and introduce you to the world of a man who recently got his naked bottom whipped by a scantily-clad woman at the Mitchell Bros. Theatre, a world-famous sex-house in San Francisco,
Full Name: You know my full name. What the f_k's wrong with you?
James B. Martin. What Does The B. Stand For?
It's my middle initial, you greasy f_king doofas, you know very well what it stands for... bastard.
Date Of Birth: 21 July, 1961.
Current Home: Current home, what the f_k's your problem? You know my current home, so quit askin' these stupid f_king questions. What do ya wanna know for real? (Author's note: lives in Hayward, California).
Level Of Education: I am ultimately educated, I am the pinnacle of education. It was bestowed upon me by the Almighty Father. I still keep in touch with Him through an excess amount of drink.
First Time You Ever Drew A Family Portrait With Horns: In kindergarten, it was my entrance exam into school at age of 5. You take a little test before you go to school to find out what to do with you, if you're retarded or not. They asked us to draw a picture of our family, so I drew a picture of mine and put horns on alt of them because I liked the way horns looked.
First Time A Horn Ever Interested You: I dunno, probably when I was watering TV as a chi!d and saw ram horns on a sheep.
What Did You Want To Be Before You Started Playing Music: A goat due to my fascination with horns and the link between the Almighty Father and Satan, Satan is often pictured as a goat.
First Movie You Ever Saw And Loved: Eraserhead for no reason other than I liked it. Full of weirdos.
First Time You Realised The Power Of Shock Value: When I was in the principle's office at school and he took the paddle out of the desk and slammed it down, I was shocked. I then realised the true meaning of shock value.
First Record Ever Bought: Black Sabbath's Paranoid because we had a small building we'd built in my friend's the backyard called The Shack. None of us drove, of course, we were far too young, so we'd go there to drink liquor, smoke weed and fuck chicks. We had this tape deck in
there, and we'd play this Black Sabbath tape. I loved it so much it was the first record I ever bought.
First Band: EZ Street
Was That The Street You Wanted To Be On For The Rest of Your Life? No, it was actually a strip bar in San Mateo, California, with very good memories. We used to go in there when we were 15 years-old and the chicks would dance pure naked. They'd let us in and we'd sneak in small flasks of hard booze seeing as they didn't sell it inside.
Largest Cash Denomination Offered To Stripper: At that time nothing, we'd just shout loudly.
Largest Denomination Ever Offered For An Extra Wiggle Or Jiggle And In What City: One dollar. Nearly every city in the world that has naked ladies
dancing (this was to be broken the next night when taking pictures at Mitchell Bros. , when Martin unwittingly gave a girl $10,00 perhaps only thinking it was a single - SC)
Highlight Of Your Career So Far: The lady who runs the O'Farrell Theatre in San Francisco, a naked lady establishment. She came up to me and said I could go there for free whenever I want, just call up and make prior arrangements and I'll be happy to set you up with anything.
Reason Offer Has Not Been Broadcast Loudly To Friends:
Because I selfishly wish to keep it to myself in my filthy little manner.
Highlight Of Musical Career: I've just told you that, dick!
What Has That Got To Do With Music? Because she recognised me due to my being in Faith No More.
Hobbies: (At this stage he simply gurgles a greasy laugh). Ahhhh, uggghhh. uggghhh... you know what my hobbies are, my man.
Should I Elaborate? Say whatever you see fit, my man.
OK: Jim likes to shoot his guns as often as possible, enjoys being a member of the local bowling league and bowls every Saturday evening possible. He confesses the team is last, but first in drinking, 'we're usually f_ked up by the end'. He loves women, likes to partake of the odd beer or ten, enjoys Carnitas burritos and guitar (thankfully, otherwise he'd hate his job). He enjoys going to the family cabin, hidden in north-east California amongst the hills and trees. He occasionally enjoys reading H.P.Lovecraft horror books and likes George Romero zombie films (especially the original Night Of The Living Dead). He once owned a TV set which played everything extra-green for full zombie effect.
Prized Possession: The dingey-wingey (pronounced din-dgeee win-dgeee) of course! It is the sick root of a sacred tree, used by tribesmen of the western coastal mountain range in Northern California.
Perfect Woman: Naked and lubed up.
Stupidest Thing You've Ever Done: Interviews, hahahahahaha.
Ever Been Arrested: Yes, drunk in public, suspicion of drunk driving and that's about it.
Has Success Changed You? Of course it has.
Why Are You Now A Bigger Asshole Than Ever Before? No, no, I was always an asshole, but now I feel that I'm better than everyone else. Just the better human being. I'm the smartest, the strongest, toughest, baddest sonofabitch, most drinkin', highest jumpin', fastest runnin',
fastest shootin' sonofabitch ever born in God's world. And I am the closest link to God,haha.
When Did You Discover This? Actually I've always known that. so perhaps success hasn't changed me after all.
Favourite Food: Oatmeal.
Least Favourite Food: Cheese of course, because it smells like unkempt feet. I can't stand the taste of it, it burns my mouth.
You Are Officially Being Called A Reprobate By This Magazine: Oh really? Hmmm, well I think that's quite a proud event really.
When Did You First Discover The Importance Of Toilet Hygiene? As a small child. I was instructed by my mother that I shouldn't be using the public lavatory. As a small boy, when I was going to the women's bathroom with her, she demonstrated the proper method of lining the toilet bowl with paper first. However, I didn't discover the splash back prevention method, the landing pad of toilet paper in the very bottom, until later. I discovered that myself from my friends. This is a problem that happens in many households, parents don't properly instruct their children of many things and they have to go to the street and find out from their friends like I did. If I get some sort of illness that's related to toilet use, I will indeed have to hold my Mom responsible.
What Does The Movie Deliverance Mean To You? Duelling banjos. As far as I'm concerned, the movie was crap, but the soundtrack was great.
Strangest Thought You've Had While Indulging In A Sexual Act: Gee, this girl sure stinks! I was indulging in a sexual act with this woman who was pretty beautiful, and I could distinctly smell the thick aroma of shit. It's a thing of association though, y'know? The first time you ever drink Alker-Seltzer it tastes real bad, but once you feel the relief you welcome the taste. Same thing with the beautiful woman, I associated her face with
the smell of shit. Whaddya think's gonna happen? I'll be stimulated to take a shit every time I see that beautiful woman. I held my breath as long as I could and got on with it.
As you may have gathered, Martin is open and honest about his love of naked women and as earlier mentioned and to celebrate the fact we were granted permission by the Mitchell Bros. Theatre to take pictures of Jim with two of the girls.
Beforehand, we watched a few of the shows so as you, the Reader, could be treated to an exclusive view of the proceedings and amidst one stripping show I thrust my tape recorder under Martin's nose to ask him his feelings on what he was seeing, "I think that this girl is beautiful. To me, this is a sign of wealth, standing alone, smoking cigarettes with naked women dancing all around me."
The rest of this conversation is, sadly, too much for your eyes to suffer. A quick look, however, at the accompanying photos will assure you that Jim got his in the end from one of the two young ladies he posed with. Indeed, Martin found it painful to sit down for quite sometime. And as we round off this Reprobate's Corner special feature on James B. news of the big Yeti's impending film debut is now out. Seems that Martin will play himself in the sequel to Bill And Ted's Excellent Adventure (titled Bill and Ted Go To Hell). One of Martin's lines is "Shithead" and he recorded some guitar parts to be used during the movie and for the soundtrack. There should be rules made against this sort of thing.
ROCK POWER | 1991
He's big, a lot of people reckon he's sick, and some even suggest he's ugly, but at least he has average genitalia. FAITH NO MORE's JIM MARTIN reveals all. Well, almost...
How would you describe your job to an alien:
I play the guitar for a living
Painter, time-clock fixer
Oh, shit.. .probably smoking
Who would you most like to have sex with:
I change my mind every time I see a girl
Stupidest thing done while rat-arsed:
What books have been most significant to you:
Stuart Little - I read it when I was young. These folks gave birth to a mouse called Stuart, and he went on a trip
Biggest dickhead you've ever met:
Changes every week or so
Sure, follow your own guidelines. I don't believe any faith is more right than another.
Sure, follow your own guidelines. I don't believe any faith is more right than another.
Size of genitalia:
Would you assassinate George Bush:
No. It wouldn't really be worth the effort
No. It wouldn't really be worth the effort
Why bother saving the planet:
I dunno. You tell me
Muddy Robins, He was a singer a long time ago, did that song 'El Paso'
Worst record ever heard:
Lou Reed's Metal Machine Music
Dune, The Good, The Bad And The Ugly, Clockwork Orange, Eraserhead
Who killed JFK:
Would you ever have cosmetic surgery:
I dunno, what would I have it on?
Who needs cosmetic surgery badly:
Roseanne Ban. She needs a whole body transplant
Why isn't your band crap:
Who says it isn't?
Who deserves a really good kicking:
A lot of people, actually. Most of the people in Washington DC....the IRS definitely
How do you want to be remembered:
BIG SICK UGLY Videos
BIG SICK UGLY Videos